QUOTABLES FROM “SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE’S WEEKEND UPDATE WITH SETH MEYERS” – MARCH 3, 2012

“WEEKEND UPDATE” ANCHOR SETH MEYERS – “While campaigning at the Daytona 500 this past weekend, Mitt Romney may have hurt his image when he said that he doesn’t “closely” follow the race but he does have friends who are “NASCAR team owners.” It also didn’t help that he kept referring to the drivers as ‘chauffeurs.’”

MEYERS – “Ahead of the Michigan primary this week, Mitt Romney received the endorsement of musician Kid Rock. Now he just has to focus on locking up the Juggalo vote.”

MEYERS – “Jersey Shore star Snooki is reportedly pregnant and insiders are extremely concerned how this will affect her upcoming spin-off series with JWoww – but no one is more concerned about Snooki’s pregnancy than this insider.”

MEYERS – “High Times magazine this week named Seth Rogan its “Stoner of the Year” for the second time. Or as Rogan thinks of it, the first time.”

MEYERS – “Hallmark this week announced that it will soon release a line of Justin Bieber greeting cards. It’s the perfect way to show your daughter that you know exactly one thing about her.”

MEYERS – “The Slovak Republic has set up an online contest to allow the public to name a bridge and the name currently in first place is Chuck Norris. Guys, you can’t name a bridge after Chuck Norris, because nobody crosses Chuck Norris.”

MEYERS – “It was discovered that a female chimpanzee living in an animal sanctuary in Louisiana got pregnant despite the fact that all the males there had been given vasectomies. So either someone made a mistake or we’re about to meet Chimpanzee Jesus.”

MEYERS – “A couple that was hoping to visit both Disney World and Disneyland within 24 hours on Leap Day failed because of delays caused by Los Angeles area traffic. But really, they failed the moment they came up with that idea.”

MEYERS – “According to a new survey from the American Kennel Club, the Labrador is the most popular breed in the country for the 21st straight year. While the least popular breed remains the Bull-huahua.”